Non-dairy beverages are coming in all sorts of fascinating forms. My mom is a hemp milk drinker (after a series of explanation on its not having THC properties); my sister gets down with coconut; plenty of people get their liquid oat on; and I really love almond milk.
A friend with nut allergies walked into our kitchen the other day, expertly scouted the area, and murmured:
Do you have regular fridge-rummaging sessions? You know, the hours-long appointment in which you take out all those drawers, shelves, and rancid white-thing-that-used-to-be-orange? And you eventually make it to the freezer, where you find collard greens that you vowed to use six months ago in a really healthful and subtly gourmet extravaganza, probably featuring “Specialty Items” like tahini and unpronounceable produce?
I don’t really think I do. I mean, I find things like collard greens and unrecognizable species when I fridge-clean. But it’s more of a long, long overdue apology to the fridge…but perpetually, which means it is always long overdue. When I clean the fridge, it means I have said to myself (or to anyone who gives a shit about my fridge hygiene – aka my cats who have tuna investments), “Wow, that mysterious substance underneath the jalapeños is 13-month-old beer?”
Maybe this is the norm. If so, I would find its universality (that is, the Fridge Complex) to be perfectly justified; who the heck has sufficiently renewable courage, or the necessary industrial rubber suits, to go in there on a consistent basis? Anyway, upon my last fridge-and-freezer-raid, I found some bananas that looked super questionable, like they abuse their tanning-salon memberships questionable, but they were ideal for these Banana Poppy Seed Muffins (really)!
I love bagels. They get such a bad rap, though, and I’ve been feeling a little defensive for them. Innocent bread circles, wonderfully round, thick and beautiful – what have they done to deserve such criticism, such shunning!
So, I have decided to do some sort of half-assed internet research. Are bagels six times worse than a slice of bread? What does that even mean? Do they, in a single bagel, really have as much calories and carbohydrates as a loaf of bread? How are they made? Did they save cream cheese from the brink of extinction?!
All these and more, tonight on Bette Jane’s Bagel Hour.
Most of us take away invaluable lessons and memories from our college experiences. Outstanding professors, awesome adventures, night-long parties; indeed, higher education provides us with a variety of important times…
…like the introduction of rice pudding. And Warm Cookie Night (boy, did I love Tuesdays).