Carrot Cake


What is it about those open-minded desserts, the ones that integrate vegetables with sweet muff and fluff? With savory, tart squelchy toppings?

Maybe ‘squelchy’ doesn’t set the right mood. Borders on ‘queef’.

Carrot cake brings it right back.


Let this be a funny snap

Writing a blog post has come to mean facing my alienation of self. Apologizing. Sighing. Chuckling at my underdeveloped humor.

It means remembering how long I waited to pull my carrots up. Laughing at the image of me bending over the wire fence to give the rotten carrots to Poppy, the 30-year-old blind horse in the backyard, and to mean-mug Misty, the squat little sass with ’80s metal hair that supposedly passes as mini-horse.


Ah, it means accepting the fact that commuting to school takes approximately thrice the time it takes to make a blog post…yet…

Anyway, glad to be here. Weather’s clearin’. Another godforesaken part-time job beginnin’. Summer food and readin’ and doin’ shit about oppressive shit are approachin’. Seein’ my beautiful grandma.


It’s really difficult to stop a dumb written speech pattern once I’ve started. Same with taking systemic, ideological abuse and recycling it through privilege.


But we will break free! To First Nations! To practically critiquing political economies! To cream cheese frosting! To carrot cake!



Carrot Cake

makes 1 cake–obviously 

adapted from: Green Kitchen Stories (again, their colorful app)

total time involved: about an hour and a half-ish (I don’t know why I bother with this part)



  • 1-2 bananas (preferably unattractive and withered)
  • 10-15 fresh dates (without seeds)
  • 6 tbsp sunflower oil (I used coconut; where the eff is sunflower oil?)
  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1 ½ tsp baking powder
  • 3 tsp cinnamon
  • ½ tsp nutmeg
  • ½ tsp cardamom (I used 1/4 tsp; GKS is heavy-handed with cardamom pour moi)
  • 3-4 carrots (medium size, grated)
  • ½ cup walnuts (roughly chopped)
  • 1/2 cup raisins
  • 3 eggs


  • 8 oz. organic cream cheese
  • 3 tbsp honey
  • 1/2 lime for juice (I used a whole lime)



  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
  2. Whisk the eggs in a medium sized bowl.
  3. Use a hand blender or a blender to mix bananas, dates and oil into a thick cream in another bowl. It gets almost molasses-like. 
  4. Sift together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg and cardamom and stir it together with the eggs and the banana-cream.
  5. Add grated carrots, coconut flakes, walnuts and raisins and stir it until it all comes together.
  6. Pour it into a cake pan and bake for about 40 minutes (check at 30-35, though!). Try to stick a toothpick in the centre of the cake, when nothing sticks on it the cake is ready. Let it coo.
  7. Whip together the cream cheese and the honey (bananas or dates would probably also work as sweeteners for the frosting).
  8. Add the frosting when the cake is completely cooled of (for real, completely; I know it’s painful). Serve with roughly chopped hazelnuts or walnuts on the top.
  9. Eat while reading Foodyap. Drink tea afterwards while checking out Deep Prep. Your senses will be overwhelmed with joyous tickled disturbing amusement delicious inspiration!


-Bette Jane



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