From the Storm/Toilet Stall

004_4 When ‘hungry’ refers to thousands of needs besides fantastic food (though hardly ever, really, not), and when ‘gnomes’ refer to any previously underestimated lawn creatures besides the ones on paraphernalia for the ‘quirky’, there must come a check for honesty. I think it’s time to ask the question that lives beneath the trendy subtext of this Blog New World: what the fuck? Can you ever see the storm when you’re in it? Can’t you ever talk about real shit without occupying the super-neglected toilet stall of society?  Continue reading

Carrot Cake

017_17

What is it about those open-minded desserts, the ones that integrate vegetables with sweet muff and fluff? With savory, tart squelchy toppings?

Maybe ‘squelchy’ doesn’t set the right mood. Borders on ‘queef’.

Carrot cake brings it right back.

Continue reading

Almond Milk

024_24

Non-dairy beverages are coming in all sorts of fascinating forms. My mom is a hemp milk drinker (after a series of explanation on its not having THC properties); my sister gets down with coconut; plenty of people get their liquid oat on; and I really love almond milk.

A friend with nut allergies walked into our kitchen the other day, expertly scouted the area, and murmured:

“I hear you’re milkin’…”.

Continue reading